Grieving, Living in Seasons and The Wait

When I was younger, I thought that I could only grieve people that had died. As I’ve gotten older, Allah has opened up my eyes to the fact that grief can exist in many forms. As the Gregorian year comes to an end, there’s usually a mix of emotions. We often think of how time flew by, how the craziest things we’d never thought would happen happened, how plans we made either worked or didn’t work out, same for relationships whether familial, platonic or romantic.

And subhanallah, absolutely nothing prepares you for the emotions you‘d feel. In my heart, I know I will eventually be okay but the process of waiting for the “okayness” has to be one of the most uncomfortable feelings. And there’s no guide at all, which is both scary and freeing. My friend once said “holding on to hope can be so so painful”. It 100% is. This life we’re living is a life we’ve never lived before. There’s really no guarantee how things will turn out. And no matter how gut-wrenching and knife-twisting it feels, even when you feel there’s no rational reason as to why you should have an ounce of hope, it is still worth having. If there’s anything I’ve come to learn the hard way, it is that the worst thing that could ever happen to you is having terrible thoughts about Allah and seeing no way out of coming out of that headspace. This is not to invalidate anyone’s emotions but wallahi there’s nothing worse.

You prayed for things at every opportunity you had and it still hasn’t worked out? Allow yourself to feel your emotions. You worked for something and it didn’t work out? Allow yourself to grieve the effort you made, pacify yourself the way you would to a baby and allow yourself to feel the sadness that comes with it. There’s no guide to feeling your emotions.

I don’t know what Allah has planned for me in the future, I don’t know what tests are waiting for me and there’s a very big part of me that is very comfortable with that. Had Allah given me a preview of the range of tests and emotions I’d experience this year, it would never cross my mind that I’d be able to handle them. People usually say tests make you stronger which I don’t entirely agree with, because here I am, softer than I could have ever been had those tests not occurred. And even in the absence of human rationality, I know in my heart that good will come out of this. Even if it’s not in the dunya. After all, none of this will matter when Allah tells us:

Al-Fajr 89:29

فَٱدۡخُلِى فِى عِبَٰدِى

And enter among My [righteous] servants

Al-Fajr 89:30

وَٱدۡخُلِى جَنَّتِى

And enter My Paradise.

Would any of this matter when Allah builds a house for me beside Him in paradise, the way Asiyah prayed for that too? Allow it to hurt. Allow yourself to wish and hope for things to turn out well still. Do not close yourself off to the goodness of where you are and the goodness that Allah is bringing your way. Cry your eyes out, wrap yourself up, stare at the wall or the ceiling if the tears don’t come but do not allow yourself to suppress how you feel. Emotions should be felt. And just because the thought of allowing yourself feel them overwhelms you doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Acknowledge that yes, you wished this happened. There’s really no reason to front with Allah.

A heartfelt du’a:

Ya Wadud, my Most-Loving. I wanted ______ to happen. I wanted this with everything in me. (I still want it) and You are the only One that knows why it didn’t happen. I am so hurt and a part of me feels so hopeless. I am aware of how much You love me and I hate that at the sign of a trial or something being withheld, my thoughts of your goodness waste no time in jumping out the window. Ya Jabbar You are the One that restores. All healing and restoration come from You. Just as You placed tranquility in the hearts of Abu Bakr and the Rasul when they were in the cave, please place tranquility in my heart too. Give me the ability to work through this Ya Jabbar. If you don’t help me who will? Ya Fattah open up my heart and soul to all the softness it desires. No matter how much this breaks me, may softness only emanate from the pieces. Ya Jabbar restore my heart and make it better than it was. Even in the face of uncertainty, give me the ability to sit with my emotions, to allow myself to be unsure, to allow myself to not know but still have the certainty and strong belief that you are Al Wakeel and there’s no one better to leave my affairs to.

Ameen.

Grieve the effort you put in. Grieve the du’as you made that didn’t happen. Grieve the familial, platonic, or romantic relationships that didn’t or aren’t happening as you thought they would. But after that, open yourself. Do not allow yourself to shut down for too long. If that is the most difficult thing you’re gonna do everyday, then do it. Trust me when I say there’s nothing better.

Here’s a beautiful piece from Road to Ihsan:

“Acknowledging that this may be my season of hard (often, undesirable) work, investing, rolling up my sleeves and getting my hands and feet soiled, exhaustion, rationing, cutting out the excesses, missing out and burying my head in THE work is hard — especially in a generation of quick fixes and instant gratification.

Aal-e-Imran 3:140

إِن يَمۡسَسۡكُمۡ قَرۡحٌ فَقَدۡ مَسَّ ٱلۡقَوۡمَ قَرۡحٌ مِّثۡلُهُۥۚ وَتِلۡكَ ٱلۡأَيَّامُ نُدَاوِلُهَا بَيۡنَ ٱلنَّاسِ وَلِيَعۡلَمَ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ وَيَتَّخِذَ مِنكُمۡ شُهَدَآءَۗ وَٱللَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ ٱلظَّٰلِمِينَ

If a wound should touch you -  there has already touched the [opposing] people a wound similar to it. And these days [of varying conditions] We alternate among the people so that Allah may make evident those who believe and [may] take to Himself from among you martyrs -  and Allah does not like the wrongdoers -

But the season of fruiting, great harvest, easy-er work and celebration will come in shaa Allah — and that hope, is such a beautiful gift.

To have hope as a part of the ease is ease within the ease, and makes the burden a little lighter to saddle.

The hope that tomorrow will be easier; that rain will come; that the dust will die down and the earth will come alive, once again.

The hope that the seeds will be split, that the sprout will manifest, that the toil will yield.

The hope that this is not IT; whatever life may deal us, there will be reward, and forgiveness and gardens of bliss in the hereafter.

What is the best you can make in this beautiful season Allah has thoughtfully created for you? Everything Allah does is with precision and knowledge. Is he not The Most Knowing?

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death.

[Bayhaqi]

There has to be one or two that could apply here. Even in the midst of uncertainty and not knowing what steps to take next, there’s one thing that can always be done whether we’re sure of our steps or not and that is du’a. Du’a is ibadah. Do not forget.

Make that list. When you’re done, pray that Allah gives you if it’s best for you and leave it all to Him. Breathe in with the certainty that whatever Allah chooses is best for you. That you do not have to figure out the how or the technicalities of it. And exhale with certainty that this path and these tests He has given you were with wisdom and kindness. Leave it in the Hands of Allah and let it flow.

Breathe in. Ya Rabb I wanted xyz. It hasn’t happened yet. If there’s good in this make it happen for me but if there isn’t, give me the ability to accept and be certain in the fact that you make no mistakes. And then consciously bring your attention to all the things He gave you. In this moment thank Him for giving you the ability to pray.

There’s a beautiful article which I’ll link in the end written by the Amaliah team. She beautifully explains how she had a parcel dropped at the front of her house with a beautiful handwriting. She couldn’t help but feel so special that she was thought of. It touched her heart so deeply. It was directly sent to her with purpose. And the most beautiful realization came- “during your finite time here on earth, your every breath, interaction, fleeting thought, twinge of the heart, word you utter and action you undertake is sent to you with an intimate Divine Will and Knowledge.”

“We might be familiar with the word “museeba” since in Arabic and South Asian languages, it is often translated as a “calamity.” The root of the word however, “asaaba,” is a lot more modest. It simply means when something hits its target, like you might imagine an arrow hitting the centre of a bullseye. 

What this tells you is that your current hardship was an arrow propelled from a Divine Hand, and you are the bullseye that it was designated for.

It was only meant to hit you how it did, when it did and there was no way it was going to miss its target.”

Don’t you feel so special reading this? If you don’t, read that again. There was no way it was going to miss its target. It would have happened regardless.

“The reward for having iman when struck by a soul-shifting hardship is to be gifted with a heart guided by Allah. Drawing closer to Allah in times of extreme pain and inner turmoil holds within it a nearness more precious than anything this world contains. Part of Allah’s Plan for your life will inevitably involve extreme hardship—this is a Divine promise. What is incumbent on you is to recognise there is a Plan alongside the pain, and that Plan is always to edge you closer to Him—whether you do it running, walking, or crawling with your chest heaving.”

SubhanAllah.

“This current hardship of yours was meant for you, only you and in the exact way it happened.

Hold it. It is an opportunity to polish, refine, perfect and ascend to ranks you never assumed possible. There is learning to take place. There are lessons to internalise. There is strength to attain. There is wisdom within touching distance. There is a heart ready to be softened. There is a relationship between a slave and his Lord to be strengthened beyond comprehension.

Take the lesson as a Divine gift sent with a tailored intention.

Once you overcome the present storm, your heart will be strong enough to look back and recognise the ocean of rahmah that was carrying you along the entire way.”

Read. That. Again.

Let’s go back to du’a being ibadah.

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Du'a (supplication) is worship."

[Abu Dawud].

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) used to say: "Allahumm-aslih li diniyalladhi huwa 'ismatu amri, wa aslih li dunyaya-llati fiha ma'ashi, wa aslih li akhirati-llati fiha ma'adi, waj'alil-hayata ziyadatan li fi kulli khair, waj'alil-mauta rahatan li min kulli sharrin (O Allah, make my religion easy for me by virtue of which my affairs are protected, set right for me my world where my life exists, make good for me my Hereafter which is my resort to which I have to return, and make my life prone to perform all types of good, and make death a comfort for me from every evil)."

[Muslim].

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“No Muslim will make a du‘ā – as long as he avoids something sinful therein or trying to break family ties – except that Allah gives him one of three things:

a) He brings about quickly what he made du‘ā for

b) He stores it for him in the Hereafter

c) He averts from him a similar harm.”

The Companions said, “Well, we’ll make plenty more then!”

The Prophet ﷺ replied, “Allah gives more than that.”

Toh jama’a we have finally come to the end of this (FINALLY🤭). Wish I could apologize for how long this is but no one came here against their will so…🤣.

I’m so sure that we’re all gonna laugh about the trials we went through in Jannah. But there’s work that must be done to enjoy the sweetness of Jannah and that ranges from forcing yourself to do good deeds, refraining from bad actions, being grateful for Allah’s favors to enduring patience during hardship. Fee Amanillah🤍

The link I mentioned earlier:

https://www.amaliah.com/post/61233/sabr-in-islam-hardship-and-ease-in-islam