On openings, changes in capacity & random reflections

“does He who created not know, while He is the Subtle, the Acquainted?” 67:14🌸

At the end of every NOA session, our amazing host always asks this beautiful question on the group chat- what is on your heart? I hope I get to explore that here in a way that’s true to Allah and myself.

Almost every person I know has one, two or multiple things they’re trying to figure out. There are days where I think it’s temporary, but every time I meet older people I realize that it doesn’t actually ever end which is both sad and relieving. Sad in the sense that I know that if I don’t find a healthy way to live with uncertainty, I’ll never really be present. But also so relieving knowing that if there’ll always be something, then there’ll also be multiple good outcomes that could happen. What’s the worst best that could happen? Analysis paralysis is NOT it (maybe I’ll explore that next time). There could be so much good coming my way that I’m unaware of. Perhaps nothing in my wildest dreams could prepare me for them because I serve a lord who has no limits. This makes me think of Allah’s beautiful names Al Fattah (The Opener) & Al Waasi’ (The All Encompassing). I imagine myself (me & my imaginations lol) standing in a white room with a 100 doors open not knowing which to walk through, wondering what lies behind each, with the occasional thought that passes through my head- what happens if you walk through one door but the other turns out better? Also my brain- what if? Then you’ll come out and get through another. Next.

In one of Hisham Abu Yusuf’s videos, he said “Allah is Al-Fattah (The Opener), He has the miftah (key)” and when I say that has been on my heart I mean it. Only Allah has knowledge of the unseen. Only Allah knows how everything will turn out and that should be enough, but unfortunately for us, humanness and all that, it can be so difficult to sit still & let things unfold as beautifully as they will, knowing with certainty that Allah makes no mistakes. Allah ba ya kuskure and that’s on Him being Al Hakeem and Al Aleem.

“His opening for you will be one that is best for you, even if to you it does not seem like an opening.”

Heavy on the to you.

“As long as there’s life to live, there’ll be something to figure out”

While this is true, it is even more true that The One that created the life can also effortlessly create the solutions. No matter how huge and impossible it seems, we have a Lord who calls himself Al Kabeer- The Greatest.

“He is greater than any mental construct we have of Him. If we understand the superlative that Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ is the highest and greatest then it must be that everything that comes from Him must be perfect and great in its own respect. Whether or not we recognize and accept is a different question altogether.”

Most of what living looks like is a combination of shifting between gratitude and patience, ease and hardship, acceptance and denial, and sometimes both. In all of these dualities, what we know for sure is that our deeds are the only things we truly own.

Al-Mulk 67:2

ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَ ٱلۡمَوۡتَ وَٱلۡحَيَوٰةَ لِيَبۡلُوَكُمۡ أَيُّكُمۡ أَحۡسَنُ عَمَلًاۚ وَهُوَ ٱلۡعَزِيزُ ٱلۡغَفُورُ

[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving -

This is what it’s all about, knowing which one of us is the best in deeds. Each and every decision should ultimately lead to seeking and pleasing Allah, this is the only way one can be sane. If good happens, we thank Allah. If bad happens, we exercise patience and still thank Allah knowing the patience will surely be rewarded. Allah knows and that is enough.

So much of our lives can go by when we’re stuck on reminiscing the good times that have gone by while constantly worrying about what’s to come. When will you sit and let yourself be where you are without constantly looking back or forward? How about you look here- where you are, for once? How about you let Allah do His thing as He has always done? You cannot skip the chapters nor can you go back in time to start the book of your life from the beginning. Allow yourself to be flipped through each page delicately, knowing the One doing the flipping is The Most Merciful, The Most Loving, All-Knowing, Wise & Subtle. Breathe easy knowing Allah makes no mistakes.

Speaking of flipping pages, I just thought of a poem that goes somewhere along the lines of “finding a lover literate enough to delicately flip the pages of your soul” teeheeeee

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Our Lord, grant us spouses and offspring who will be a joy to our eyes, and make us leaders of those who have taqwa (piety). (25:74)

Back to the point, Allah makes no mistakes.

At-Taghabun 64:11

مَآ أَصَابَ مِن مُّصِيبَةٍ إِلَّا بِإِذۡنِ ٱللَّهِۗ وَمَن يُؤۡمِنۢ بِٱللَّهِ يَهۡدِ قَلۡبَهُۥۚ وَٱللَّهُ بِكُلِّ شَىۡءٍ عَلِيمٌ

No disaster strikes except by permission of Allah . And whoever believes in Allah - He will guide his heart. And Allah is Knowing of all things.

Everytime I remember this I smile so hard. Nothing can happen except by the permission of Allah.

We serve a Lord who has the keys, who owns the keys, who is the creator of the keys. A Lord that is All-Encompassing, who has no limits, whose mercy has no bounds, nor does His provision. A lord that tells us if we reach out He is near. How can you ever lose when you have Allah?

“duk abun da kika rasa a duniya, in har ki na da Allah, ki na da tauhidinki, toh babu shakka, ke ce mai riba”🌸

Again, how can you lose when all success is only from and through Allah? All you can do is focus on showing up knowing that Allah is aware of everything, even if showing up doesn’t look the same everyday.

“It is not all or none, some is better than none”

On a related but unrelated note, you may not be able to do x now, but you can start doing z. Or you can find a new way to do x. There are so many ways to gaining Allah’s pleasure as long as it is His face you’re seeking. Allow yourself to explore multiple ways of pleasing Allah, He is worth the energy. Something is better than nothing. We know we have a lord who appreciates our efforts. A Lord that calls himself Ash-Shakur. Something is always better than nothing. Again, it is not all or nothing.

“Come with taqwa & leave the rest to Allah” because perfection only belongs our Rabb.

“Self-forgiveness & istighfar” as my good sis says.

Sure you may not have the capacity to do some things the way you did at some point in your life, but think about the fact that you had the ability then only because Allah facilitated it. All of it was only by His aid, mercy & guidance. There are so many doors to reaching Allah’s goodness, some that might come naturally to you and others that you’d have to find for yourself. How exciting subhanAllah. This is an opportunity to reset your intention and find new ways of knowing, loving and being loved by Allah. It is also an opportunity to surrender yourself to the fact that power, ability and success only come from Him.

بِسْمِ اللّٰهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ عَلَى اللّٰهِ ، لَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللّٰهِ.

Bismi-llāhi tawakkaltu ʿalal-llāh, lā ḥawla wa lā quwwata illā bi-llāh.

In the Name of Allah, I have placed my trust in Allah. There is no power (in averting evil) or strength (in attaining good) except through Allah.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Whoever says [the above] when leaving his house will be told: ‘You have been guided, you have been sufficed and you have been protected.’ Then one devil says to another devil: ‘How can you get to a man who has been guided, sufficed and protected?’ ‘And the devil will keep a distance from him.’” (Abū Dāwūd 5095, Tirmidhī 3426)

Hud 11:88

قَالَ يَٰقَوۡمِ أَرَءَيۡتُمۡ إِن كُنتُ عَلَىٰ بَيِّنَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّى وَرَزَقَنِى مِنۡهُ رِزۡقًا حَسَنًاۚ وَمَآ أُرِيدُ أَنۡ أُخَالِفَكُمۡ إِلَىٰ مَآ أَنۡهَىٰكُمۡ عَنۡهُۚ إِنۡ أُرِيدُ إِلَّا ٱلۡإِصۡلَٰحَ مَا ٱسۡتَطَعۡتُۚ وَمَا تَوۡفِيقِىٓ إِلَّا بِٱللَّهِۚ عَلَيۡهِ تَوَكَّلۡتُ وَإِلَيۡهِ أُنِيبُ

He said, "O my people, have you considered: if I am upon clear evidence from my Lord and He has provided me with a good provision from Him... ? And I do not intend to differ from you in that which I have forbidden you; I only intend reform as much as I am able. And my success is not but through Allah . Upon him I have relied, and to Him I return.”

Sometimes we might think that only the difficult things require Allah’s aid but we need to sit with the fact that “nothing is difficult if you seek it through Allah & nothing is easy if you seek it through yourself.”

Perhaps losing your way could be a form of guidance in itself, in such a way that you realize how much you need Allah. Yes, you turned, maybe not fully, but in your heart you know you’re not facing Allah like you should. Not creating time for the One who created time. How long are you gonna sit in guilt without actively doing anything? The fact that you’re able to recognize something is missing is in fact a rahmah from Allah.

Al-Hadid 57:21

سَابِقُوٓاْ إِلَىٰ مَغۡفِرَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّكُمۡ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرۡضُهَا كَعَرۡضِ ٱلسَّمَآءِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ أُعِدَّتۡ لِلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ بِٱللَّهِ وَرُسُلِهِۦۚ ذَٰلِكَ فَضۡلُ ٱللَّهِ يُؤۡتِيهِ مَن يَشَآءُۚ وَٱللَّهُ ذُو ٱلۡفَضۡلِ ٱلۡعَظِيمِ

“Race toward forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden whose width is like the width of the heavens and earth, prepared for those who believed in Allah and His messengers. That is the bounty of Allah which He gives to whom He wills, and Allah is the possessor of great bounty.”

Where do I even begin? is a thought that crosses my mind a lot. Right here is where you start. Where you are is okay. Give your heart back to Allah, because it belongs to Him & Him Alone. Seek Allah’s forgiveness AND forgive yourself. It is no coincidence that He has willed for you to come back. Our Lord is Subtle, sometimes He drags us back to Him on bruised knees & other times He does so in small, not-so-obvious ways. Either way He does it for you. Race towards the forgiveness of your Lord as the ayah says and if you’re unable to race, or walk, then let your heart do the turning because that is the most important thing. Turn to Allah where you are. Turn to your source of safety. He is more than willing to accept you.

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Allah says: 'I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.' "

Look at how Appreciative Allah is. SubhanAllah. Ash-Shakur.

If you planned to read x pages of Qur’an and you’re unable to, a page is still better than nothing. If you’re unable to do a page, half of it is still better than nothing. If you’re unable to do half a page, 3 lines is still better than nothing and if you’re unable to do that then an ayah that you read everyday for the rest of your life, is still and always be better than depriving your soul of the sweetness of the Qur’an.

Pockets of time. Pockets of time. Pockets of time. Don’t let yourself get carried away by leaving voluntary acts of ibadah till you have a lot of time on your hands. A routine is nice, but if a routine is not practicable knowing each day doesn’t look the same for you, then set the intention in your heart that you’ll get it/them done by breaking it/them into pockets of time. While routine is generally associated with discipline, and a lack of it meaning the opposite, it doesn’t have to look one way. You’re allowed to be inspired by how others journey to Allah while watering your garden in a way that works for you and Allah.

“It means there is room for us. There is room for me and you. There is room for us, with all of our struggles and our mistakes and our faults: Allah is vast. No matter how broken we are. No matter where we have been. No matter how many times we have messed up. There is room for everyone.”

Every single person.

Al-A'raf 7:156

وَٱكۡتُبۡ لَنَا فِى هَٰذِهِ ٱلدُّنۡيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِى ٱلۡأٓخِرَةِ إِنَّا هُدۡنَآ إِلَيۡكَۚ قَالَ عَذَابِىٓ أُصِيبُ بِهِۦ مَنۡ أَشَآءُۖ وَرَحۡمَتِى وَسِعَتۡ كُلَّ شَىۡءٍۚ فَسَأَكۡتُبُهَا لِلَّذِينَ يَتَّقُونَ وَيُؤۡتُونَ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَٱلَّذِينَ هُم بِـَٔايَٰتِنَا يُؤۡمِنُونَ

And decree for us in this world [that which is] good and [also] in the Hereafter; indeed, we have turned back to You." [ Allah ] said, "My punishment - I afflict with it whom I will, but My mercy encompasses all things." So I will decree it [especially] for those who fear Me and give zakah and those who believe in Our verses.

An-Najm 53:32

ٱلَّذِينَ يَجۡتَنِبُونَ كَبَٰٓئِرَ ٱلۡإِثۡمِ وَٱلۡفَوَٰحِشَ إِلَّا ٱللَّمَمَۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ وَٰسِعُ ٱلۡمَغۡفِرَةِۚ هُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِكُمۡ إِذۡ أَنشَأَكُم مِّنَ ٱلۡأَرۡضِ وَإِذۡ أَنتُمۡ أَجِنَّةٌ فِى بُطُونِ أُمَّهَٰتِكُمْۖ فَلَا تُزَكُّوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمْۖ هُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِمَنِ ٱتَّقَىٰٓ

Those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, only [committing] slight ones. Indeed, your Lord is vast in forgiveness. He was most knowing of you when He produced you from the earth and when you were fetuses in the wombs of your mothers. So do not claim yourselves to be pure; He is most knowing of who fears Him.

“Bismillah” she says for the millionth time as she journeys to Allah knowing strength, persistence and every other thing only come from Him.

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "When Allah loves a slave, calls out Jibril and says: 'I love so-and-so; so love him'. Then Jibril loves him. After that he (Jibril) announces to the inhabitants of heavens that Allah loves so- and-so; so love him; and the inhabitants of the heavens (the angels) also love him and then make people on earth love him".

Flex or flex? Flex.

“Allah (swt) has apportioned acts of worship like He apportioned sustenance. And Allah may have put a deep love of voluntary fasting and prayers in the heart of the author of the letter, but Allah (swt) had also put love in Imam Malik’s heart for learning and teaching. And in all is good. So connect to Allah (swt) with the obligatory, and then use what inspires you from the permissible to go deeper into that love.”

How validating is this subhanAllah? Reach Allah in your own way. It doesn’t have to be the biggest, most obvious things. Renew your intentions and watch how Allah blesses everything you touch. Each & every road should lead back to Allah because He is the one that has created everything in existence.

Al-Fatihah 1:6

ٱهۡدِنَا ٱلصِّرَٰطَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ

Guide us to the straight path -

Al-Fatihah 1:7

صِرَٰطَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَيۡهِمۡ غَيۡرِ ٱلۡمَغۡضُوبِ عَلَيۡهِمۡ وَلَا ٱلضَّآلِّينَ

The path of those upon whom You have bestowed favor, not of those who have evoked [Your] anger or of those who are astray.

Sitting with these beautiful names of Allah over the last few weeks, Al Waasi’ and Al Fattah, has felt like one of the biggest openings in my life. An opening that although is intangible, is still one that carries more weight and value than I could ever think of. This is Allah’s earth, the universe is His and so is everything that He has created. I belong to Allah alone. Before I am anything, I am Allah’s slave. The one constant role in this life and the next. If I belong to the One who is All-Encompassing and Vast, then how I could I ever have any fears? This beautiful name inspires me to show up in a way that is true to Allah first, and then myself. There is room for me in any “house” that Allah decides to place me in. This realization is making me exist with so much confidence and contentment.

Most of us are not familiar with Allah's vastness-that He named Himself al-Waasi (the Vast)-and once we get a little taste of it, we are left in awe; humbled and grateful. Just remember that He is vast, and so is His religion. He will accept you. In His mercy, there is enough space for you, with all of your mistakes. There is enough space for your talent. So what is your way to Allah (swt)? Breathe. You are with Al-Waasi`. And His Vastness will embrace you.

Breathe.

A Comprehensive Duʿa

اَللّٰهُمَّ إِنِّيْ أَسْأَلُكَ خَيْرَ الْمَسْأَلَةِ ، وَخَيْرَ الدُّعَاءِ ، وَخَيْرَ النَّجَاحِ ، وَخَيْرَ الْعَمَلِ ، وَخَيْرَ الثَّوَابِ ، وَخَيْرَ الْحَيَاةِ ، وَخَيْرَ الْمَمَاتِ ، وَثَبِّتْنِيْ ، وَثَقِّلْ مَوَازِيْنِيْ ، وَحَقِّقْ إِيْمَانِيْ ، وَارْفَعْ دَرَجَاتِيْ ، وَتَقَبَّلْ صَلَاتِيْ ، وَاغْفِرْ خَطِيْئَتِيْ ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ الدَّرَجَاتِ الْعُلَا مِنَ الْجَنَّةِ ، اَللّٰهُمَّ إِنِّيْ أَسْأَلُكَ فَوَاتِحَ الْخَيْرِ ، وَخَوَاتِمَهُ ، وَجَوَامِعَهُ ، وَأَوَّلَهُ ، وَظَاهِرَهُ ، وَبَاطِنَهُ ، وَالدَّرَجَاتِ الْعُلَا مِنَ الْجَنَّةِ آمِيْن ، اَللّٰهُمَّ إِنِّيْ أَسْأَلُكَ خَيْرَ مَا آتِيْ ، وَخَيْرَ مَا أَفْعَلُ ، وَخَيْرَ مَا أَعْمَلُ ، وَخَيْرَ مَا بَطَنَ ، وَخَيْرَ مَا ظَهَرَ ، وَالدَّرَجَاتِ الْعُلَا مِنَ الْجَنَّةِ آمِيْن ، اَللّٰهُمَّ إنِّيْ أَسْأَلُكَ أنْ تَرْفَعَ ذِكْرِيْ ، وَتَضَعَ وِزْرِيْ ، وَتُصْلِحَ أَمْرِيْ ، وَتُطَهِّرَ قَلْبِيْ ، وَتُحَصِّنَ فَرْجِيْ ، وَتُنَوِّرَ لِيْ قَلْبِيْ ، وَتَغْفِرَ لِيْ ذَنْبِيْ ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ الدَّرَجَاتِ الْعُلَا مِنَ الْجَنَّةِ آمِيْن ، اَللّٰهُمَّ إنِّيْ أَسْأَلُكَ أنْ تُبَارِكَ لِيْ فِيْ نَفْسِيْ ، وَفِيْ سَمْعِيْ ، وَفِيْ بَصَرِيْ ، وَفِيْ رُوْحِيْ ، وَفِيْ خَلْقِيْ ، وَفِيْ خُلُقِيْ ، وَفِيْ أَهْلِيْ ، وَفِيْ مَحْيَايَ ، وَفِيْ مَمَاتِيْ ، وَفِيْ عَمَلِيْ ، فَتَقَبَّلْ حَسَنَاتِيْ ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ الدَّرَجَاتِ الْعُلَا مِنَ الْجَنَّةِ ، آمِيْن

O Allah, I beg You for the best of what can be asked for, the best supplication, the ultimate success, the best deeds, the best reward, the best life, and the best death. Keep me steadfast, make my scales heavy, establish my belief, elevate my ranks, accept my salāh, forgive my sins and I ask You for lofty ranks in Paradise. O Allah, I beg you for good beginnings, good endings, good in its entirety, its first, its apparent and its hidden; and lofty ranks in Paradise. Āmīn. O Allah, I beg you for the best of what I can do, perform and accomplish, the best of what is hidden or apparent; and lofty ranks in Paradise. Āmīn. O Allah, I beg you to elevate my mention, remove my burden, rectify my affairs, purify my heart, protect my chastity, enlighten my heart, forgive my sins and I ask You for lofty ranks in Paradise. Āmīn. O Allah, I beg you to bless for me my inner self, my hearing, my sight, my soul, my appearance, my character, my family, my life, my death and my deeds. Accept my good deeds and I ask You for lofty ranks in Paradise. Āmīn.

Umm Salamah (raḍiy Allāhu ‘anhā) narrates that the Prophet ﷺ said: “This is what Muhammad asks from His Lord: [the above].”(Hākim 1911)

Some reflections from NOA that I’ve been avoiding:

Reflect on the areas of your life in which you have been limiting yourself or settling for scarcity, instead of trusting in Allah's limitless capacity and provision? How has this mindset held you back, and what would be possible if you truly believed in Al-Waasi's expansiveness?

a lovely reminder💝

“Dear Allah,

You are Al-Jamil, the Most Beautiful. As I whisper my dreams to You in du’a, turn each one into a beautiful reality. Write for me a future more beautiful than I could imagine. Allow me to appreciate the beauty of Your planning down to the smallest detail. Allow me to feel Your love and kindness in all that happens to me, the way Yusuf saw Your love in every step of his journey. Write for me years of joy to replace the pain of years past, and allow this patience to be rewarded with beautiful surprises in the dunya and akhirah.”

Yusuf 12:100

وَرَفَعَ أَبَوَيۡهِ عَلَى ٱلۡعَرۡشِ وَخَرُّواْ لَهُۥ سُجَّدًاۖ وَقَالَ يَٰٓأَبَتِ هَٰذَا تَأۡوِيلُ رُءۡيَٰىَ مِن قَبۡلُ قَدۡ جَعَلَهَا رَبِّى حَقًّاۖ وَقَدۡ أَحۡسَنَ بِىٓ إِذۡ أَخۡرَجَنِى مِنَ ٱلسِّجۡنِ وَجَآءَ بِكُم مِّنَ ٱلۡبَدۡوِ مِنۢ بَعۡدِ أَن نَّزَغَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنُ بَيۡنِى وَبَيۡنَ إِخۡوَتِىٓۚ إِنَّ رَبِّى لَطِيفٌ لِّمَا يَشَآءُۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلۡعَلِيمُ ٱلۡحَكِيمُ

“And he raised his parents upon the throne, and they bowed to him in prostration. And he said, "O my father, this is the explanation of my vision of before. My Lord has made it reality. And He was certainly good to me when He took me out of prison and brought you [here] from bedouin life after Satan had induced [estrangement] between me and my brothers. Indeed, my Lord is Subtle in what He wills. Indeed, it is He who is the Knowing, the Wise.”

Yusuf 12:111

لَقَدۡ كَانَ فِى قَصَصِهِمۡ عِبۡرَةٌ لِّأُوْلِى ٱلۡأَلۡبَٰبِۗ مَا كَانَ حَدِيثًا يُفۡتَرَىٰ وَلَٰكِن تَصۡدِيقَ ٱلَّذِى بَيۡنَ يَدَيۡهِ وَتَفۡصِيلَ كُلِّ شَىۡءٍ وَهُدًى وَرَحۡمَةً لِّقَوۡمٍ يُؤۡمِنُونَ

There was certainly in their stories a lesson for those of understanding. Never was the Qur'an a narration invented, but a confirmation of what was before it and a detailed explanation of all things and guidance and mercy for a people who believe.

my brain: are we done?

me: idk are we?

*here’s to imperfect endings & hoping Allah passes the message in the best and most beneficial way* 💝💝